Ask Barbara!

Here's a question for you: How much time per day should I expect (or encourage) my 34-month old to spend on her "work"? She was pretty enthusiastic about it when I started introducing it, but now her interest has tapered, and weeks go by without her touching it much at all. When I suggest an activity, she almost always refuses. (Perhaps this is a control issue?) Also, what do you recommend when a child sits down at an activity (say, the sponge-squeezing activity) and starts improvising (instead of transferring the water back and forth, she pretends she is washing dishes)?

I'd say two or three 20 minute sessions a day would be excellent, but there will be days when you just can't do that. Life at home with little children is just too spontaneous and unpredictable to hold yourself to a rigid standard. So set a goal, but don't become discouraged if it doesn't work out every day.

Some children will want to be "working" all the time and never need encouragement. Others will need some coaxing to sit down and focus - but that is what you want to build on and be working toward - their ability to concentrate at a task.

If you think it might be a control issue, it probably is! In which case you want to make sure that you are always giving her a choice: Would you like to polish some silver or do some lacing cards? You might try making a list of what you'd like her to do and them having her check it off as she completes each task - kids love check lists - or use stars or stickers as a reward.

If that makes her want to rush through things, try using a timer to draw her into longer sessions with each activity.

Be sure to observe your child carefully to know when she needs a new challenge: If she has been spooning beans from bowl to bowl, for example, you could try replacing the beans with cotton balls and showing her how to use a small pair of tongs (sugar cube tongs are great for this). Then tongs and marbles. Keep finding ways to keep her challenged and interested.

Remember, whatever "work" your child is doing is not an end itself, but a means to an end. If she is concentrating on making designs out of rice on the table, that is building concentration every bit as much as pouring the rice without spilling from pitcher to pitcher. The key is to find what brings out your child's ability to concentrate.

In strict Montessori, improvisation is a big no-no, but I've found that policy harsh and unrealistic. What you can do is take it as a sign that your child needs some time out for imaginative play. If she's improvising with sponge and water, for instance, you could redirect her - after putting away her work - toward a stool at the sink and let her play for a while with water and plastic dishes. Make sure to create the boundaries - no water on the floor, etc. And you can set up a sequence for her by saying, "You can have a little time to play here at the sink, and then you can use the pattern blocks to make a design to show Daddy when he comes home.

I really like Mommy Teach Me, but don't think my 23 month old is quite ready for any of the exercises. She puts *everything* in her mouth, and throws all plates and bowls on the floor. Any tips for helping her overcome these habits?

Sometimes children can start the exercises spooning and sponging exercises at 18 months, but usually they need to be a little older. It is very individual and each mom is the best judge of when a child is ready. You are really on the right track to wait until you know for sure. One Montessori principle is to never introduce an exercise until you're sure the child will be successful.

What you can do in the meantime is use some simple manipulatives in the same Montessori manner: Giving her opportunities to sit at a child-sized table in a chair where her feet can touch the floor, introducing one activity and treating the materials in an almost reverent manner, like this is just the most important activity in the world. Try a pegboard with large size pegs in a basket to the left. Sitting next to your daughter, take a peg out of the basket and look at it to determine which part will go in the hole. Then place it slowly. Do a few like that, without saying a word, but capturing her attention by your very solemn manner. Then ask her if she would like to put a peg in. Stay with her so there is no chance of her getting random and throwing the pegs around. Encourage her to continue as long as she wants, then have her put the pegs back in the basket and put it away.

In the meantime, in your daily routine, try to encourage calmness. Try the Walking on the Line exercise in MTM, using some quiet music in the background. Montessori teachers have a Walking on the Line song - I'll get my daughter Maddy to make an MP3 of it and post soon. Walking on the line is good for just calming children and helping them be more ready to learn.

What do you call the exercises when you introduce them to your child?

I call them by the name of the exercises - tweezing, pouring, etc. - and refer to the whole kit and kaboodle as "your work," as in, "Would you like to choose some work now?"

How often should I introduce new activities?

This is where your observation is so important. You should introduce new activities when your child is ready to succeed at them and seems to be ready for something new. Since repetition is key to developing concentration, you want your child to spend as much time as possible with a new activity before introducing something new. I would recommend not introducing more than two new activities a week.

I have some safety concerns. A lot of exercises use small, sharp, or toxic (silver polish) objects. In practice, how do you balance accessibility with safety?

Each child is different and I am a strong believer that no one knows a child like his or her mother. Only you can determine what the safety limits are for your child. I taught in classrooms for years where all these small things were accessible to children 2 1/2 and up - and during those years did have one incident where a 4 year old boy pushed a bean up his nose which had to be removed with tweezers.

I have also recommended exercises involving pins. Those of you with younger children may have to tailor the ideal conditions - which would be having all the exercises available all the time for your child to choose - to fit the needs of your family. My daughter Samantha kept the exercises in a closet and got them out herself to give to individual children as needed. In my own later experience raising children with disabilities, I also had to limit access to the exercises. The important thing then becomes remembering to get them out!

We are 6 families planning purchase materials and share them. We haven't decided whether to buy a Montessori kit from a vendor or just purchase seven or so individual items. On my list are number rods, pink tower, and sandpaper letters. Could you give us some ideas that would be on your dream list?

What a great idea!

Before you begin collecting materials, see what you can duplicate elsewhere at cheaper cost. Sandpaper letters are a must - but there's a big difference in price between classic Montessori sandpaper letters, and these available at Amazon for 8.99. Many products which replicate Montessori materials have made it into the mainstream, like this replica of the Moveable Alphabet, available now under the name Tactile Alphabet for only 11.95 (although you'd probably want more than one set to encourage your child to "write" a lot of words).

Number rods are great, but children can learn the same concepts with a set of laminated alternating blue/red strips which can be used at a table rather than on the floor. The pink tower is a classic, but families who can't afford one can achieve the same purpose - albeit without Montessori's isolation of difficulty - with a set of graduated cubes available for under $20 - see this set at amazon.

So, I would make the big ticket items things which are not available elsewhere. Metal insets are terrific for concentration and writing skills. Cylinder blocks are great from the earliest ages and teach concentration, pincer grasp while leading to logical thought. The golden bead material makes math an experience no child would want to miss. And I personally LOVE the binomial and trinomial cubes which teach order and logical thinking.

Much material you can make - and I will be providing templates at this site - so be sure to make one of your first investments a laminating machine!


I was wondering when you started working on the sight words. My daughter knows the sounds and letters and we have just started making the 3 letter words.

Start now! Teach sight words the same way you did the letters - three at a time, using the three-period lesson.

Choose each group based on contrast in appearance and sound (you would not teach I and eye or eye and my in the same lesson) - as well as on their frequency of use. Your first lesson might be I, the, and was. Write each word on a separate card.

Children can learn these very quickly. Begin each session by reviewing the ones your child already knows. Then teach three more.

Of course, once your child is into early readers, she will just pick them up automatically as you go over the text with her. When a child learns to read early, written words are acquired as easily as spoken were earlier - an amazing process!

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